I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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