Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Randomize
