her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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