After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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