I am puke
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
