The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
