But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
if only i could text you this smell
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
