i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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