in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
