Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Randomize
