at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
