I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Randomize
