I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
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