are you still at the devil's house?
But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
