I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
pop tarts are not kleenex
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
