So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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