You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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