I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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