Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize