Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
