Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Randomize