I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
