a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
