This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
