There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
