I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
