I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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