maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
