Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
