I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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