the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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