That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
