sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
How does one acquire holy water?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
