i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I have fence marks all over my body
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
