Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
organizing the empties. That sober.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
