You don't have asthma, your pregnant
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
