why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
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