He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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