We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
