clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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