I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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