If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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