question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
