i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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