TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
