we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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