3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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