I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I could fuck to npr.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Randomize
