I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Randomize
