K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
