On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I pour the whiskey from now on
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
