So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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