"it" just moved
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Randomize
