saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
