Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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