Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
