Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
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