When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Everclear isn't food dammit
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize