I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
