the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
