and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Randomize
