Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
