I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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