I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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