we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Randomize
