his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
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