Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
It was a blind-side dick pic.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
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