I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
