Pappa wants mamma naked
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
