He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
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