he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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