Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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