i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
