i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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