Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
