he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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