you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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