You just made me feel so damn special
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
