my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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