I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
