i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
