just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
