rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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