Fine. I'll sleep in my office
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
