I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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