I can text with my tongue
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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