'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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