I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize